


Amaranthine

by Spademyheart



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gutterbugs, Lizzington - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-21 05:29:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6040072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spademyheart/pseuds/Spademyheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is an AU based off the short lived series Forever. Red is immortal and Lizzie finds out. How will she cope with this news?<br/>Tom Keen is dead in this fic; as it should be in my opinion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A very HUGE thank you to Figure of Dismay for her Beta work and being a wonderful muse.

Having been cleared of all charges except the shooting of Tom Connolly almost a month ago, Red had been giving her an even larger glimpse into his world; albeit from the sidelines. He was still, in her opinion, overly concerned with her safety. Apparently she was going to have to prove to him that she could hold her own. Waiting for the right opportunity to jump in against his orders was maddening, but risking everyone else’s lives just to prove she could handle herself would be counterproductive. Red would likely put her on an even shorter leash and having seen his anger pointed in other directions, she wanted to make sure she was not on the receiving end.

The meeting with the latest contact was taking place on the banks of the Hudson river in the dead of night. She had convinced Red to let her come with him. After a lengthy argument, he finally agreed as long as she did not involve the scooby gang; his acerbic endearment for the task force. This was just a preliminary meeting after all, to make sure his information was in order before handing the file over to them. 

She was about 150 yards from the tête-à-tête. Night vision binoculars were the only link to her favorite criminal and his loyal bodyguard. Everything was going fine, until it wasn’t. Red’s contact suddenly became agitated, yelling and waving his hands around. Red kept his hands in his pockets and a smug smile on his face; ever the confident bastard. After a few more words were exchanged, Red turned and he and Dembe started to walk back toward her position. 

She saw the man bend down and unearth something in the dirt, then the shine of the gun as the weapon was lifted and pointed in Red’s direction. She shouted frantically to Red and gestured to look behind him. He looked up sharply, irritation that she had given her position away clear on his face. She ran towards him, drawing her gun and helplessly watched the bullet rip through Red’s chest as he turned to see why she had drawn her weapon, Dembe fired back and killed the man before he could shoot again.

Lizzie fell to her knees as soon as she reached them, but it was too late, he had no pulse. She threw her arms around him while she sobbed, wishing she could feel his comforting presence just one more time. She had been holding him at arm's length not wanting to examine her growing feelings for him in too much depth. To his credit, he was trying to let her in, but she hadn't been sure she wanted in; now time had run out. Regret for not trusting him more and telling him how she felt weighed heavily on her chest. Dembe lifted her up and tried to steer her towards the waiting car, she struggled with him for a couple of minutes before breaking out of his grasp to stay with Red, only he wasn't there. She turned to Dembe with a questioning frown wondering if she was losing her mind. 

He shrugged and walked in the direction of the car, saying over his shoulder, “My instructions are to take you home.”

She stood frozen in place. What in the world was Dembe talking about? Why was he not freaking out over the fact that Red was dead and that his body just disappeared? Something was going on and this time she was getting answers, she had let Red and his team distract her and outright refuse to answer her questions on too many occasions. It stopped now. 

She took off after Dembe firing questions at his back until they reached the car. “Dembe, we are not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on.”

He opened the car door and waited patiently for her to climb in. “All will be well, but you need to come with me.”

She stared him down for nearly two full minutes before she admitted defeat and slid into the back seat.

When they arrived at her apartment, Dembe walked her to her door. When they reached her apartment she whirled around to confront him again. 

“What am I supposed to tell Cooper?” There was nothing she could offer the task force without Reddington, and with her recent stint on the most wanted list, there would be very few desirable job prospects available to her.

Dembe pulled a key out of his pocket and unlocked the door before gently grasping her elbow and moving her inside.

“Elizabeth, you must tell no one what happened tonight. I will contact you in a few days.” He closed the door and quickly walked away before she could recover and ask more questions.

Numbly she stood facing the door, a mantra of ‘this isn’t real’ kept up a beat inside her head. It was a least five minutes before she could will herself to turn. She shed her coat and let it fall to the floor as she made her way to the couch Red had so thoughtfully bought for her. She cringed as she fell down upon it, remembering how ungrateful she was the day he surprised her with it. She had wanted space and he seemed to always be underfoot; like a cat when it wants attention. If time could be reversed she would sit next to him and ask what was really bothering him; she could see now that something had been. She flopped onto her back and stretched her legs out across the cushions. She covered her face with the small throw pillow hoping he had been the one to pick it out and maybe hold it against his chest, would it smell like him? No such luck. She wondered if Dembe would find it creepy if she requested one of his shirts that had yet to be laundered... like she would even have the courage to ask. She tossed and turned, dozing sporadically but never really sleeping.

The next morning her bladder made itself know and she reluctantly got up. Her neck and back were stiff and sore, she could hear Red’s voice softly chiding her, “I told you it pulls out Lizzie.” She stumbled and almost fell flat on her face as the thought struck her that she would never hear his voice again. Would she eventually forget how it sounded? She fought the tears while she relieved herself and then started the shower. She hoped that the warm water would soothe her but the steam that engulfed her created a perfect place for the storm of emotions to be let loose. She cried in great heaving sobs for a long while until the water started to cool. She quickly washed and threw on a t-shirt and yoga pants and made her way back to the couch and sank into the cushions while her grief settled over her like a rainy day, she had no desire to eat or go anywhere. Red was a force of nature and she felt like her life was drained of colors and smells now that he was no longer in it.

When her cell phone chirped to life that evening she jumped up hoping it was Dembe; she needed to feel close to Red and maybe Dembe would take her to his last safe house. She tried to hide her disappointment when she answered Resslers call. “Hey Res, what’s up?”

“When we talked the other day you said Reddington was working on something so I figured you would have something for us by now.”

She looked up to keep the tears at bay and took a deep cleansing breath so she would sound as close to normal as possible. “He hasn’t gotten in contact with me yet, I’ll let you know as soon as I hear anything.” 

“Yeah, well tell Mr. High and Mighty he can rest when he’s dead. We need a name soon. Hell, you know him, he is probably somewhere with a gorgeous view, enjoying an expensive cigar and sipping an even more expensive scotch.”

She choked on the lump that formed in her throat, part rage for Resslers unfeeling comment and part grief. She swallowed it down and took another cleansing breath. It wasn’t Resslers fault; he had no idea what had happened. “I’ll let him know you’re waiting.” She hung up before he could make any disparaging remarks about Red.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lizzie was laying on the living room floor staring at the ceiling in her new apartment. Having made the decision to try to rejoin the land of the living, she was supposed to be choosing a paint color; but her thoughts kept drifting back to Red. He had been gone three days, he was such a huge part of her life that she had no idea how she could go on without him. 

She finally let the tears go that had been threatening fall all morning as she remembered the little things he would bring her when he came back from a business trip. A shot glass from Las Vegas, a scarf from Turkey, she once woke to find Red sitting in her kitchen reading the paper while a pastry chef he had brought back with him from France made fresh croissants.

She practically jumped out of her skin when the chirping of her cell phone broke through the silence in the room. By the time she heaved herself off the floor and grabbed her phone it had stopped ringing. The number was blocked, it had to be Dembe. Before she could wonder if he would call back her cell jumped back to life, she answered before the first chirp had died out. “Hello?” 

“Elizabeth, I will be there in 30 minutes to pick you up.” Dembe hung up before she could question him further.

On the one hand it was good that Dembe had finally contacted her because Cooper and Ressler had been on her about Red’s whereabouts and there was nothing she could tell them. On the other hand she was a bundle of nerves. Could Dembe be taking her to to a reading of Red’s will? She wasn’t sure she could handle it, but was curious to find out what he had left her; because of course he had, that was Red. It was real, there would be no way to wake from this nightmare. With a heavy heart she made her way into the bedroom to get ready.


	2. Chapter 2

They drove for almost an hour to get to the historic town of Leesburg, VA. She had always wanted to go on the wine tour, but never got around to it; maybe after they were done here Dembe would drive her around so she could drink herself into oblivion while ‘wine tasting.’ 

They eventually stopped in front of a two story traditional home. It looked as ordinary as all the others on the street. One would never know that just beyond the privacy trees was a safe house for an international criminal. Dembe got out and opened the door for her. She moved her head from side to side to stretch the muscles and blew out a long breath before allowing Red’s faithful friend and bodyguard help her out.

When they walked in she expected to see people milling about waiting for the reading. Instead, she could hear soft jazz playing somewhere from the back of the house. She followed Dembe into a large great room that opened into a chef’s kitchen. Mr. Kaplan nodded to her when they walked in and gestured to a nearby seat that Liz promptly took as she looked around somewhat nervously before settling her gaze back on the formidable woman before her. “I expected more people to be here.”

Mr. Kaplan looked up at her sharply. “You are about to learn something about Raymond that until now, only Dembe and I have been privy to and that will require privacy.”

Liz looked askance at Mr. Kaplan. Was she about to learn the real connection between herself and Red? Her palms were starting to sweat, hopefully they would get things started before the nausea set in. 

Mr. Kaplan looked past Liz and smiled as someone entered the great room. Liz turned to see who had arrived and covered her mouth to muffle the small scream that escaped. 

Red walked into the room keeping eye contact with Lizzie the whole time. He wasn’t sure how she would react to seeing him. He probably should have prepared her for this kind of scenario, especially after the last shot to the chest he received; but like he had once told Dembe, he didn’t know how to tell her. How did one broach a subject such as this? He wasn’t exactly her favorite person most of the time. He stopped next to the fireplace, wanting her to be the first to speak. The way she was looking at him with a mixture of shock and fear had him feeling a bit off kilter.

Liz stood and walked slowly up to him. She reached out a hand and tentatively touched his chest, running her hand down the buttons on his vest before she looked up at him with tear filled eyes and flung herself into his embrace. Her arms wrapped around him and she buried her face into his neck to inhale the familiar scent. She wanted nothing more than to forget the horror of the last few days, maybe if she just stayed like this everything would be okay.

Red took it as a good sign and wasted no time pulling her further into the embrace. So far this was going much smoother than he thought. He knew they would have to talk and as much as he hated being the one to pull away from the embrace, he needed to make sure she understood everything. 

He gently grasped her shoulders and pulled back enough to look in her eyes. “Lizzie, I want you to know I never inten… “

She took a step back and covered his mouth briefly with her hand to halt any story he was about to spin. “I don’t want to hear what you have to say.” She could barely process the feeling of relief and rage that were warring together for dominance inside her head and heart. 

“It has been three days and... “ She looked up and all the pain she had experienced over the last few days shone in her eyes. “I grieved for you. I never even left my house, I could barely breathe, let alone function. I couldn’t eat or sleep.” She could no longer stand in one spot, she paced the length of the room, her hands waving wildly as she spoke. 

“And the whole time my heart was being torn from my chest you were here... doing what? Sipping scotch? Having your med school dropout give you a manicure?”

“Lizzie, please let… “ She cut him off before he could finish.

“Did you even think about how I would feel? Did I even once cross your mind?” She couldn’t deal with this right now, she had to get out and wrap her brain around the fact that he was alive and that he let her believe for three days that he was dead. She turned and grabbed her purse and made a beeline for the front door.

“Lizzie, wait.” Red strode after her, she would understand once she knew the whole story. He couldn’t let her leave thinking he hadn’t thought about her during the past few days. She had been the only thing on his mind.

She opened the door and turned to look at him. “No, you wait. I can’t do this right now. I am hurt and angry and a dozen other emotions that I can’t even name right now.” She turned and quietly added, “I’ll call you in a few days when I’m ready to talk.”

“At least let Dembe take you home.” He wanted desperately for her to stay, but he was learning that pushing her only served to drive her further away.

“I’ll call a taxi.” She flew down the front steps and out into the neighborhood. Adrenaline and determination keeping the tears at bay for now.

He stared numbly at the door for a few minutes before slowly making his way to his study. He poured himself a glass of scotch and stared out into the back garden, hoping against hope that he hadn’t just pushed her away for good. He should have told her when Dembe urged him. 

Mr. Kaplan walked over to him and placed her hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture. “It will be okay, Raymond. Give her a few days and she will come around.”

Red walked over to the sideboard and poured another drink for himself and one for Kate. “I was hoping she would have at least stayed to hear what I had to say.” He handed her a drink and sat down on the sofa.

“She is unpredictable.” She swallowed her drink in one gulp, placing her glass on the table in front of them. “I thought you liked that about her?”

Red huffed an attempt at a laugh. “I did… I do. I just get the feeling that things are going to get worse.” He handed his glass to Kate and she dutifully refilled it for him. “I just hope there will be a chance for them to get better.”

She handed him his glass and gave him a gentle kiss on the top of his head. “They will, Dearie. Hang in there.” She whispered to Dembe to watch over him before taking her leave.

The next morning he was up early and made phone calls and conducted business as usual, but his thoughts were constantly being pulled to Lizzie making it hard to concentrate. He felt a desperate need to know what she was doing. The tail he put on her said she had entered her apartment and hadn’t left. At least she wasn’t out doing something reckless. 

He thought about calling her a least a dozen or more times that evening. He settled for having takeout delivered to her door, he knew she kept an alarmingly inadequate supply of food in the house. When the tail called to tell him that the delivery had been rejected. He had to resist the urge to go there himself and make sure she ate; his stubborn Lizzie needed more time.

The afternoon of the second day, he could no longer stand not having visual confirmation that she was alright. He couldn’t send his man to knock on her door; she wouldn’t take kindly to that. Then inspiration struck and he quickly dialed his phone. “Donald, Elizabeth is feeling a bit under the weather, I was hoping you could swing by and check on her.”

“Why don’t you go yourself? What’s going on?”

“I’m not in the area right now.” The lie rolling easily off his tongue. The truth was that he had gotten up before the sun and begged Kate to move safe houses to be closer to her. He was currently less than a block away.

“Why don’t you give us a case Reddington, there’s bound to be some angle you’re working somewhere.”

“As soon as Elizabeth is feeling better I’ll give her a file to bring to you.” He quickly ended the call. 

He called Dembe into the room. “Have someone activate Agent Resslers phone, I want to hear their conversation.” He ignored Dembe’s look of censure and poured himself a drink.

Less than an hour later Ressler called. “She’s not here. Maybe she’s feeling better or went to the doctor.”

Wasn’t there? She had to be, his man tailing her would have called him immediately if she had left the apartment. He felt deep down she wasn’t there, that she had run from him, but he refused to believe it. “Thank you Donald, I’ll call her later and check in.” 

He rummaged through his desk and found the burner phone that would show the number on Lizzie’s caller ID since she would probably ignore all calls she thought were him. She didn’t answer. He periodically tried several times with different numbers supplied by Mr. Kaplan to no avail. 

The man watching Lizzie’s house called to say that she still had not returned. 

“Knock on her door once more to be sure and if she isn’t there, find her… quickly.” He hung up and threw the phone across the room. He wanted another drink, but he needed all his faculties to deal with Lizzie when she was found.


	3. Chapter 3

Liz went straight home. The ride in the taxi had been spent going over scenarios as to why Red would let her believe for so long that he was dead. She couldn’t come up with anything that would convince her that it was necessary. She should have stayed, but her anger had won the war and took over.

What she needed was a vacation, somewhere that Red would have difficulty following. She dug around in the box with her shoes until she found the hiking boots she bought two weeks after Red turned himself into the FBI. Sam had always made sure they were prepared if they had to make a quick getaway; thankfully they never had to, but the habit stuck with her. She pried the bottom of the boot off and took the burner phone stuffed in the hollowed out rubber sole. She set it aside and rummaged through the other boxes until she found her old address book. 

Kelly Hammond had been her study buddy and gym partner at Quantico. They had parted ways after graduation, but the friendship that was formed was one that could be picked up at anytime. She dialed the number and hoped Kelly hadn’t changed her number.

The voice that answered was hesitant. “Hello?”

Liz breathed a sigh of relief when she recognized the voice. “Hi Kelly, it’s Elizabeth Keen.”

“Oh my… Wow. How are you?”

“Well you know, hanging in there. My life has been turned upside down, but I’m trying to put the pieces back together.” She cringed, this was not what she wanted to talk about.

“Yeah, I uh, saw the news. You know if you ever want to talk, I’m here.”

Smiling, Liz felt a bit lighter knowing she had a friend. “That’s kind of why I called… do your parents still have that cabin outside of Shenandoah?” 

“They do and as luck would have it, I have the weekend free. We are going to have a fabulous time catching up, lots of girl talk and ice cream.”

Liz had envisioned a quiet weekend, but company would probably be better than locked alone with her thoughts. Hopefully they would talk about anything but her time on the most wanted list. “That sounds perfect.”

“Text me your address and I’ll pick you up in a couple of hours.”

She thought of the people Red most certainly had watching her. If she left they would follow and report to Red. She was still upset with him so she would have to sneak out like she used to as a teen. “Would it be okay if I met you at your house around eight tonight? I have a few things to do first.”

“Sure, no problem. I’ll text you the address.”

When she hung up Liz felt like a whirlwind had just breezed by. That was easier than she could have dreamed. She felt a warning bell niggling in the back of her mind but brushed it off, she needed this. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The drive to the cabin was a little over two hours from D.C. Liz was grateful to Kelly for dropping everything to spend the weekend with her and she tried to keep the flow of conversation going but her thoughts kept drifting to Red. She should have thought this through a bit more and at least let Red know what she was doing, but it seemed that making rash decisions was her new MO. She needed to call Red and let him know she was okay as soon as she had a minute alone, knowing him he was currently turning D.C upside down looking for her. He was probably worried and even though it probably served him right, she didn’t want him to go through what she had.

Kelly was waving her hand in front of Liz’s face. “Liz? Earth to Liz!”

Liz snapped back to the present and looked sheepishly at her friend. “Oh, sorry Kelly, I guess I just have a lot on my mind.”

Kelly reached out and covered Liz’s hand with her own. “Where were you just now? You seemed a thousand miles away.”

“Closer than that actually. How much longer till we get there?” She was feeling fidgety now that she had resolved to call Red, she just hoped Kelly didn’t think she resented the company.

Kelly squeezed her hand comfortingly before letting go. “Almost there. You sure you’re alright?”

Liz blew out a breath and brightened her smile. “Yes, of course, I’m just a little stressed and want a hot shower and some of that ice cream you promised.”

When they got to the cabin, Kelly told Liz to go ahead and shower and she would find a movie for them to watch while they ate their treat.

Liz grabbed her bag and headed to the bathroom. Once inside she turned on the shower to muffle any sound and dialed Red’s number.

Red answered with an abrupt “Status” and nothing more.

He sounded upset, she really hoped it wasn’t because of her but it probably was. “Hey Red.”

He was not in the mood for pleasantries and got right to business, he needed to know she was safe. “Where are you, Lizzie?”

At least he didn’t launch into a lecture, that was a good sign. “I’m with a friend. I’m fine. I just didn’t want you to worry.”

“Too late for that. What friend?”

He was going to be difficult after all. “I don’t want you running background checks and sending people to tail her. I just wanted you to know I’m okay.”

“I must insist on the name, Lizzie.”

She tamped down on the anger that was simmering on the surface. She could have avoided this with a simple phone call hours earlier. “You can be really overbearing sometimes, you know that?”

“I’ve told you before that I will do whatever is necessary to keep you alive.”

Liz let out a frustrated sigh, loud enough that she was sure he could hear. “Kelly Hammond. Are you happy now?”

Red was silent a little too long and Lizzie was just about to check to see if he had hung up when he finally spoke. “Lizzie, have you ever heard of a criminal known as The Death Dealer.” 

She rolled her eyes even though he couldn’t see her. “Who comes up with these names?”

“He’s an assassin-arms dealer. He made a name for himself by being extremely creative with how he dispatches his targets. I once happened upon one of his victims that was trussed up… “

She cut him off before he could expound on the details. “What is this about, is he the next name on the list?”

“No, but he should be.”

“So why bring it up?” Red talked a lot, but he never wasted words, she was learning that there was always another meaning for those who chose to pay closer attention.

“Your friend works for him.”

That was not what she was expecting to hear, her mouth opened and closed a few times like a fish out of water before she could recover and speak. “What?! No, that can't be possible.”

“If this is what I think it is, you’re in danger Lizzie.”

He wouldn’t stoop so low as to make this up would he? “You can’t possibly know that Kelly is working for him.”

“He tangled in one of my business dealings not too long ago. I make it my business to know everything about my enemies.” Red was not above pleading with her and made sure his concern was clear in his tone. “Lizzie, you have to trust me on this.”

She whispered into the phone, suddenly afraid and cursing her rash decision to hide for the weekend. “I’ll send you my location. What am I supposed to do in the meantime?”

“Don’t do anything. I will have a team there as soon as possible.” 

The only time she had been undercover had been with Red. He made her feel safe, funny thing that, considering who he was. She was on her own this time, though. She gave herself a pep talk as she got in the shower. “You can do this, just act naturally.” 

Kelly stepped back from the door and made her way back to the living room. She quickly sent a text that simply said, “She knows.” to an unknown contact before returning to the front room to wait for Liz.


	4. Chapter 4

Liz didn’t have to worry, she and Kelly talked and laughed for over an hour. It was like no time had passed since the last time they had been together. Either Red was wrong and her friend was really just a friend, or Kelly was an exceptionally good actress.

Kelly grabbed the wine glass and reached over to refill the glasses, but Liz covered her’s with a hand; getting drunk with the enemy wouldn't be a smart move. “It was really good catching up, but I’m pretty exhausted.”

Kelly reached over and laid her hand on Liz’s knee. “I guess it is pretty late. I’m so glad you called.”

Feeling a bit uncomfortable, a small bubble of nervous laughter escaped before she could stop it. “Yeah, uh, me too.”

She reached for the glasses to take them into the kitchen but Kelly lightly smacked her hand away, smiling sweetly up at her. “You said you needed some rest and relaxation. Let me take care of you. Go ahead to bed and I’ll take care of the clean up.”

Suddenly the friendly atmosphere seemed charged with something else, making the hair on the back of Liz’s neck stand on end and a shiver travel up her spine even though Kelly’s demeanor never changed. She smiled back the best she could to keep Kelly from knowing she was on to her. “Thank you, you’re the best.”

She hurried to her room and breathed a sigh of relief when the lock clicked into place. Hopefully Red was already on his way. She turned off the light and laid on the bed, hoping to give the impression that she had gone to sleep. What if she had continued to be stubborn and not called Red? How would this evening have turned out? She would have stayed up and gotten a little tipsy if not drunk, giving the enemy the upper hand that’s what.

Twenty minutes later she thought she heard a muffled male voice. Was that Red? She went to the door and pressed her ear against it, but she was met with silence. Was she hearing things? She slowly cracked open the door and peered out, seeing nothing she slipped out the door and tiptoed out to peer around the corner into the living room. 

Kelly and a tall man, who in other circumstances she may have thought attractive, were talking in muted tones. She remained perfectly still and slowed her breathing to be able to hear what was being said.

The man ran his hands through his hair as if he was frustrated. “You’re sure it was Reddington she was talking to?”

Kelly smiled triumphantly back at the man. “She called him Red at the beginning of the conversation.”

The man nodded, pleased with her information. “Good, go get her and tie her up. Too bad my contractor wants her alive… oh well, I’ll just have to be extra creative with Reddington.”

Liz made her way back to her room and quietly locked the door. Great, they knew Red was on his way. Of course Kelly had listened to see if she would contact anyone, she berated herself for not being more careful. She gave herself a mental shake knowing she would have to use all of her senses to keep Red from walking into a trap: she wasn’t going to take the chance that she would lose him for good this time. She searched her bag for her cell phone to alert Red to the danger but it was missing. Kelly must have grabbed it when she went in to scoop their ice cream. 

She kept the lights out while she rumpled the comforter up enough to look like someone was sleeping underneath it’s warm embrace. She cursed herself for not packing her gun and moved to stand behind the door. Every nerve ending in her body was on high alert waiting for Kelly to open the door, luckily she didn’t have too long to wait.

Liz held perfectly still while Kelly slipped quietly into the room and made her way over to the bed. Liz waited a few heartbeats before quietly falling into step behind her. When Kelly reached the bed and pulled the covers back, Liz pushed her forward knocking her off balance. In the low light from the moon, Liz could see the rope Kelly had, but when Liz reached for it Kelly shot her head back to crash against Liz’s. She was momentarily stunned and Kelly used that to her advantage, grabbing Liz by the wrist and spinning her around ready to tie her hands together. Liz struggled out of her grasp and reached for the small eiffel tower souvenir on the dresser, turning and slamming it against the side of Kelly’s head. Kelly slumped over and fell to the floor. Liz grabbed the rope and used it to hogtie her in case she woke up. 

She took a few deep breaths and made her way out into the hall to peer around the corner again into the living room. She could see the man that was talking to Kelly earlier looking out the window with a walkie talkie in his hand. A muffled, “A car is approaching about a mile to the north.” coming from the radio.

The man replied with a terse. “Maintain positions.” Before turning to peer over his shoulder. “Ahh, Ms. Keen. I’m surprised you got the jump on my girl, she was trained by one of the best.”

Shit! She was hoping to have the element of surprise like she had with Kelly. Now what. He was much bigger and she left the eiffel tower back in the room, not that that would be an effective weapon against a man known as The Death Dealer. Maybe she could keep him talking until Red arrived. She stepped around the corner and tried to project an air of confidence as she had seen Red do on countless occasions. “Reddington is a much better ally than enemy.”

His smile and gentle laugh seemed genuine even as his eyes held a sinister gaze while he moved toward her. “Reddington won’t be a problem much longer.”

She felt a shiver run down her spine. This man was dangerous and she would need to be on guard to avoid being used as bait to lure Red. She stepped around the couch putting a little distance between them, surreptitiously searching for something to use as a weapon. “Counting one’s chickens before they’ve hatched is never a good thing. Surely you’ve heard the tail of the milkmaid crossing the meadow with a pail of milk on her head.”

Apparently done talking his arm reached out as quick as lightning to grab her arm and pull her over to him. His grip was like a vise as he dragged her up and into his chest. “I see Reddington’s penchant for talking a person to death has rubbed off on you. Too bad for you that I don’t have the time or inclination to oblige.” 

Sudden fear gripped her heart, but she couldn’t let it cripple her. Red was walking into a trap and the only way she could call to warn him was to go through this killer. She brought her knee up and kicked him in the groin. He didn’t fall down in agony but he did loosen his grip on her arm long enough for her to slam the heel of her hand into his ear to break free and run for the door. 

He didn’t stay down for long and was able to catch her just as she opened the door, jerking her back and into the wall beside the door. “I have strict instructions not to kill you, but that doesn’t mean you have to be delivered in pristine condition.”

There had to be a way to get through to this guy. She was sure Red would back any deal she made tonight. “Wait, who sent you? I’m sure that Reddington can offer you a much better deal to just walk away.”

He pushed her face into the wall and pressed himself against her. “Once I take a contract I carry it out, I can’t be bought.” He bent down and sniffed her hair before putting his mouth on the shell of her ear and whispering. “Besides, I am looking forward to gutting your boyfriend while you watch.”

That was it, there was no way she was going to let him win. She bent her knee and sent her heel into his shin causing him to let go of her again. She whirled around and tried to land a punch to his jaw but he grabbed her wrist and twisted it painfully to the side, she feared it might be fractured, and threw her halfway across the room.

She suddenly understood why Red had been keeping her on the outskirts of his business deals. He was letting her observe without any distractions so she wouldn't miss any of the nuances of the encounters. 

When the Death Dealer moved to grab her again she remembered a move she saw Dembe make that she would have missed had she been in the fight herself. She ducked low and brought her uninjured weaker hand up and into his throat causing him to stumble backwards while she jumped back to her feet and kicked him with everything she had in the abdomen, causing him to seemingly fly backwards, landing near the front door. 

She looked up to see Red standing just outside the door. He calmly put two bullets in the chest of the man at his feet before stepping over him and entering the cabin. Dembe rushed in behind and with a brief nod of acknowledgement he went to check to make sure the house was clear. 

Red was just standing there staring at her. She started talking before he could launch into an angry tirade. “Before you get upset and tell me about the unnecessary danger I put myself in, they were setting a trap and I just couldn’t sit around and wait for you to walk into it.”

He took his fedora off and stared out the window into the distance, seeing a memory that was etched into his mind. “I was once in a remote area in Greenland, we were hiking up the coast with a group of hunters. One of the locals had sold his hunting tag to an associate of mine and I was invited to come along.” 

He raised his hands in front of him as would an artist framing a scene. “We had just set up camp and were enjoying watching the sunset dip low, painting the landscape in beautiful shades of orange and gold when just over the crest of a hill we saw two cubs.” He was so caught up in the memory that he smiled and pointed to a distant spot as if Lizzie could see them playing in the golden hues. 

“We were so captivated watching the the young bears that we failed to notice the mother had circled around behind us.” He turned to the side surprise and fear lighting his features. “As soon as we noticed her she charged forward, intent on protecting her young from harm. One of the men guiding us had brought his young son and the bear was headed straight for him.”

“With a tremendous roar,” Red cupped his hands near his mouth to mimic a shout. “the guide leapt into her path and wrestled her to the ground. They rolled around struggling for the upper hand several times until she was on top of him and at the last second before she crushed his head with her powerful jaws he bent his knees and sent his feet into her belly, using what could only be superhuman strength fueled by adrenaline, he flung her over the side of the snowy embankment and into the water below.” 

He shook his head in wonder. “It was the most impressive thing I have ever seen… “ He looked back at Lizzie with a small smile. “Until now.”

Liz tried but failed miserably to hide her happiness at his words. “He was hardly a bear, Red. Does this mean you won’t be treating me like I’m made of glass and need to be protected all the time.?”

He huffed his laughter before becoming serious again. “I will always protect you Lizzie, no matter how capable you are. If anything were to happen to you… “

She threw her hands up in the air, he had to know he wasn’t the only one that felt that way. “How do you think I felt when I thought you were gone.“ She looked up at him, tears pooling in her eyes.

He quickly went to her, no longer able to keep his distance. He gathered her in his arms, kissing her temple and pressing his cheek to hers. “I know, I am truly sorry you had to go through that.” He pulled back slightly to see her face. “Can you forgive me?”

“Yes, of course I can.” She slugged his shoulder lightly before hugging him close again and mumbling into his chest. “Just don’t ever pull anything like that again.”

Mr. Kaplan walked in a few moments later issuing orders to her team before walking over to where Red and Liz stood locked together. “While I hate to break this up, you two should head out and let my people do their job.”

“Yes, of course.” He stepped out of the embrace and bent to receive a hug and kiss on the cheek from Kate, before turning back to Lizzie. “Shall we go? We have a lot to discuss I think.”

“Yeah, I just need to get my bag first.” She moved to turn only to be blocked my Mr. Kaplan. 

“Don’t worry about that, Dearie, I’ll bring it once we’ve finished here.” She patted Liz’s shoulder and moved away to join her team in the cleanup.

Red placed his fedora back on his head with a flourish and held out his hand to indicate she should precede him out the door. “Shall we?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long since I've updated but life had been crazy.

As Liz got into the car Red asked Dembe to run back in for ice for her wrist before he slid in next to her. “I’ll have Mr. Kaplan bring a brace for you tomorrow.”

“I'm sure it's fine, just strained.” She was starting to feel foolish for rushing headfirst into this and would rather forget the entire thing happened. Having Red fuss over her would just cause her to relive everything. Dembe hopped in the front seat and handed the ice pack back to her before starting the car. 

Red helped her get the ice pack onto her wrist and into a comfortable position. She smiled her thanks and settled into her seat for the trip back. They rode in comfortable silence for a few miles before she began to fidget. She wanted to know why he disappeared for three days. It would be best to wait until they were alone of course, but the suspense was killing her. She thought she was able to conceal her restless leg but obviously not well enough since Red kept glancing at her with concern. She finally just blurted out her question. “Why?”

“Why what, Lizzie?” He knew full well to what she was referring, but was hoping to avoid the conversation until they reached the safe house.

She braced herself, if she got angry now he would gain the upper hand. She took a breath before answering. “Why you let me think you were dead.”

He smiled fondly at her. “Patience really isn’t one of your virtues.”

She decided to ignore that and barreled ahead. “I’m sure you want to wait until we're alone, but I’m dying inside. Making me believe you were dead hurt me deeply. I know you’re sorry, and I do forgive you, but I need some kind of explanation before I explode.”

He understood, when he had learned she wasn't in her house and had no idea where she was he'd been an emotional wreck. It had been many years since someone had that kind of power over him, it was disconcerting to say the least. She deserved the truth; he knew, but how to tell her had been troubling him for a while now. 

“I really was dead.” Well that was eloquent Raymond. He winced as he mentally chastised himself and shook his head. Leave it to Lizzie to rob him of his power with words. 

“So they revived you?” She hoped he wasn't about to launch into another story, she just wanted a straight answer.

“Not exactly.” He glanced up front, knowing Dembe was listening. His friend had encouraged him to tell her everything, but he was afraid she would think he was crazy and not want to see him again. But in not telling and having her find out this way, it may well produce the same result. His insides were churning with the anticipation of her reaction. How to tell her in a way that she would believe him and not run from him. 

“Well then, how exactly? I mean, you were there one minute and gone the next. It was like your team suddenly upped their ninja skills and stole your body right out from under me.” This was like pulling teeth, he could be so frustrating sometimes.

He smiled cockily, hoping to lighten the mood. “I employ only the best.”

She felt utterly exhausted, the last thing she wanted was to wade through his evasive answers. So all she could muster was a barely audible “please” knowing he would understand.

That simple statement, said with so much hope and hurt, was impossible to resist. He nodded and turned, pretending to gaze out the window while he gathered his thoughts. “I suppose it would be best to just come out with it. I must tell you though, Lizzie that I have agonized over the telling of this,” he turned back to her and smiled sadly, “How to tell you, if I should... “ He turned back to gaze out of the window.

When he remained silent, seemingly lost in his thoughts, she reached over and took hold of his hand that was resting on his thigh, hoping the contact would bring him back to her so he could finish telling her whatever secret he'd been keeping. 

He gently squeezed her hand. He looked down at her hand in his and hoped that this would not be the last time she was so close. He took a deep breath, ready to speak, but when he opened his mouth no sound escaped. He chewed the inside of his cheek, willing himself to just get it over with, much like a bandaid. Hopefully once this secret was ripped away, there would be no pain. “I'm immortal”

She snatched her hand back with frustrated growl as she flopped back against her seat. “Can't you just once give me the truth, instead of telling stories or fables that I have to figure out the meaning of?”

He winced, hating that's what she expected from him. “I'm trying Lizzie, that is the truth; in its simplest form.”

She turned in her seat so she could look at him fully, study his expression to search for any sign he was joking with her. “That's impossible.”

He nodded his head in the affirmative. “I would have said the same thing twenty six years ago. But here I am, having survived four ‘deaths’.”

She turned this information over in her mind, trying to come up with something more plausible but nothing seemed to fit. “This is preposterous, but since we're trapped in the car together you may as well tell me everything about how this happened… when it first happened.”

He took a deep breath. Rehashing all of this would not be easy and he needed to leave out certain details without her getting suspicious. “Your mother was captured on a ship bound for the US, smuggled in a shipping container. When she was found, she begged for amnesty. After questioning and giving accurate information regarding another Russian spy in the US, she was deemed safe and given a cover husband who worked for naval intelligence... they very quickly had a child.”

Liz pointed to herself, though she didn’t know why. Of course the child was her, but she couldn’t keep in the mewled “me” that escaped. This was the first time that she’d heard anything about her mother, Sam would always get grumpy when she’d ask. “When you’re older,” he would say until she eventually stopped asking all together.

“Yes.” He wished she could have known all of this when she was younger, to have seen pictures, heard memories, but it had been too dangerous; it still was really. “I was chosen to check up on them from time to time and get updates from your father.” 

She was feeling so giddy now with finally getting some information that she was almost bouncing in her seat. “What was she like?”

He couldn’t help but smile at her enthusiasm, though he knew the truth would squash it quickly. “She was resourceful and charming,” He looked off into the distance ahead trying to pull what he could from the time before everything happened. “I admired the fortitude it took to leave her country and start a new life away from all the politics and espionage.” 

“She just wanted a normal life… like me.” Was she really so similar to her mother? What would her mother think of her now?

Red ignored that, knowing now that Katrina had played a long game. “I usually only visited monthly, but there was a matter my office needed help with and I was sent to ask for Katerina’s help.” 

Her eyes widened, even though she never met her mother, they seem to have taken a similar winding paths. “A consultant? It’s eerie the similarities are between us.” 

He winced knowing he was about to deliver a proverbial punch to her gut. “I overheard an argument with she and your father”

“This is the night of the fire.” She unconsciously sucked in her breath; maybe she would finally put all the pieces together. She had memories, but Dr. Orchard said they might not be as they appeared. She knew she had shot her father, but what led up to that point?

“It was. Apparently your mother was able to steal and replicate my naval ID without my knowledge during my last visit and steal some very high level secrets. It had been the plan all along; she played her part to perfection.” 

“My father found out and confronted her?” She was shocked, just moments ago she was filled with wonder at the similarities with her mother, now she wished there were none.

He took hold of her hand for comfort, knowing this next part would not be easy. “Yes. I listened next to the window until the fight became physical. I ran inside to intervene but you had come out of your room, grabbed the gun and shot your father before I could get there.

She gasped and made an awkward sound as she tried to speak around the tears and emotions churning inside of her. “Oh my god, my dad was the good guy.”

His heart ached for her, but he pressed on; the need to get this over with was overwhelming. “I heard Katerina call her team in. I was worried she would try and take you so I put you in a closet while I went to deal with your mother. She and her team had a plan though and were dousing the house with kerosene, planning on getting rid of any evidence. 

This was like some freakish horror story, she needed to know her mother tried to find her. “Was my mother looking for me?”

He shook his head and tried to give as much comfort as he could with just a look and the touch of their hands. “No lizzie, to Katerina you were just part of the cover, a loose end.”

She was horrified. Part of her wanted to collapse in on herself, but the other part wanted to know the rest of the story; it was like watching a train wreck and being unable to look away. She gathered her remaining strength to get through this before asking, “If my mother wanted me dead, and you supposedly died that night: how are we here now?”

He smiled a genuine smile past the tears that had formed, glad that he would be able to keep them from falling. This, at least this was something good she could have of that night; at least he hoped she would think it was good. “You saved us.”

Again, she pointed to herself, feeling a little silly but unable to help herself. “Me? I was only 4 years old, how could I have saved us?"

“You were so strong, Lizzie… you still are. You were terrified of the flames and were trying to find your way out, but you stopped when you saw me lying in the middle of the floor. A beam had fallen down on my back and caught fire. You somehow managed to push it off; your scream woke me when the flame flared up and licked at your wrist.”

She looked down and ran her fingers over the scar on her wrist in wonder. She had always been slightly embarrassed by it, until now. “How did we escape?”

He couldn’t help himself and reached out to run his fingers over her scar as she had just done, he wasn’t sure if it was a comfort for her, but it was for him right now. “As soon as I could put the flames out and stand, I grabbed you and got us out a back window where we ran into the alley behind your house. Your father kept an old vehicle back there in case of an emergency with the key under the visor. I drove you to the only place I could think of that you would be safe.”

She put her hand over her mouth to cover the ‘OH’ her lips made. “To Sam.”

He nodded, She must be so overwhelmed, but she was taking all of this so much better than he ever expected, he was amazed by her. “To Sam. He took you in without hesitation. I explained to him the circumstances and he vowed to keep you safe, and the rest is... well, history.”

She was exhausted not only from the evening's previous events but also from being on the edge of her seat listening to Red. Knowing the enigmatic man beside her there had to be more he wasn't telling her, so she had to ask, “Is that everything about that night?”

He sighed inwardly. He should have known she would not be satisfied with the pieces he gave her, though her tenacity was one of the reasons he valued her so much. “There are some things I can’t and won’t tell you, not only for your safety, but for others.”

He had to her so much already, she should be grateful; she was. Even though she was letting that go right now, did not mean she wouldn’t continue to look for more answers; with or without him. With difficulty she pushed her questions about her parents to the side to find out what happened to him after he dropped her off. “Where did you go?”

“Well that’s where my journey begins. After I left you I tried to get to a buddy of mine who was a doctor to tend to my wounds without having to go to a hospital. I never made it.”

“What happened?” She knew she would have to keep a very open mind for this. She would listen to what he said and make up her mind whether or not to believe him afterwards. Easier said than done, but she was determined to hear him out since the future of any kind of relationship between them rested on this conversation.

“The reason I was lying on the floor when you found me was because your mother shot me. I had lost too much blood and... I died.”

She was fascinated, if this were true it explained a lot about how calm and collected he could be in extremely tense situations. “How did you realize that you had died and were, what? Reborn?”

He tilted his head and squinted at her, it was difficult to explain but he needed to try for her. “It’s not like being reborn. It’s more like a sleep and when I wake my wounds are healed, though the scars remain.”

One day she would ask him what scars he carried from the night of the fire, but they were obviously hidden underneath his ‘suit of armor’ and she felt strange asking him to disrobe here in the car, so that would have to wait for another time. “So what happens when you vanish and wake up?” 

“I always end up in the nearest body of water; that’s how I met Mr. Kaplan. When I eventually died from my wounds I lost control of the car and it drove off the embankment into the river where Mr. Kaplan and her lady friend were skinny dipping.” He waggled his eyebrows hoping to get a small smile from her and was delighted with the result.

Liz let out a surprised bark of laughter. She never expected to hear about how he met his formidable cleaner and never dreamed it was in such a way. She was on the edge of her seat and couldn’t wait to hear this particular story. “What did she do?

He was only more than happy to talk about Kate, she was family to him and he loved her dearly. “She’s unlike anyone I have ever met. She’s very open minded, really... and opinionated. She pulled me from the water and tried to revive me, but was unsuccessful. She put on her clothes in order to drive up the road to call the accident in and by the time she was done and turned around I was trying to sit up; gave her quite the scare. She dismissed her friend and took me to her home where she grilled me most of the night until she was satisfied with my answers; we ended up establishing a bond of friendship the likes of which I had never known before. I hid at her place for a couple of weeks until I was able to formulate the beginnings of a plan, with her help, that I hoped would eventually exonerate me. Though, as you know, that never really worked out.”

He had found a friend in Mr. Kaplan, who obviously has some kind of background in law enforcement, but yet he turned to crime; that seemed odd. “But why become ‘The Concierge of Crime?’ You had to know that going down that path would take being exonerated off the table.”

He smiled sadly at her. He had always hoped that by taking the path he did, he would not only get justice for his family but keep Lizzie far away from the troubles her mother caused. So far he had failed on both accounts. “I did. But when they went looking for me, they found my family. I realized the only way I would be able to find out what really happened that night and make those responsible pay was to become a force they couldn’t easily sweep under the rug.”

“I’m still not sure if this is just some fantastical tale to keep me from the truth or not. I understand you wanting revenge for your family, though it doesn’t explain why you still stick around. You got and released the fulcrum, you could just disappear and continue on as you did before.” 

He frowned and shook his head, she really needed to brush up on her profiling skills if she couldn’t see how he felt about her; but that may be for the best. “May I ask that we wait until we reach the safehouse to continue this?” Hopefully after a glass or two of his favorite scotch. 

She let out a breath she wasn’t aware she was holding and tried to hide her disappointment. “Yeah, ok.” She fell back against her seat and turned her head to watch the stars from her window while wondering if she could believe what he was telling her? She had to, it really was the only explanation, impossible though it was.


End file.
